Did I forget my birthday?

28! Yes, last Wednesday, April 29, Josh Carpenter had a birthday. I actually made a post on that day and didn't mention it. I actually had forgotten that it was my birthday. I could never have imagined forgetting my birthday 15 or 20 years ago! Maybe it is old age setting in. Nah, it really isn't as bad as it sounds because there is still one day a year where I get to CELEBRATE! We always celebrate the date of my liver transplant, or transplantiversary if you will, on March 26 of each year. That day holds a lot more weight in my life and my families life than my actual birthday.

On to the birthday that officially adds another year to my life...

I never thought that getting close to 30 would bother me; I figured 40 would be that molehill that I turned into a mountain. The funny thing is that I never thought about it until a few months ago when I got my invitation to my 10 YEAR CLASS REUNION! Has it really been that long since I got out of high school? Why do I still feel 18 most of the time? I remember making fun of people who were going to their 10 year reunion just a couple of years ago! That was a hard pill to swallow, but I got over it.

Then on Tuesday, April 28, I go to the DMV for my 4 year appointment to get my license renewed. I am thinking as I walk in that I can't believe this is the third time I have had to renew my license and the next time I come in I will be 32. Not a big deal, 32 is still young! Little did I know....they now renew license for either 5 years or 10 years. The lady behind the desk says, "5 or 10?" I check out the prices like a nerd to see which is the best deal and decide I will take the 10 year license. I walk over to wait for them to be printed out and I am thinking.....this is cool....I don't have to come back to this place for 10 years!

At that very moment it hits me...when I get my license renewed again I will be 38...thirty-eight...that is 2 years from 40! Two short years...730 days until I turn 40! That is the age that we gave Dad his first old man party. Somehow that digressed into 30 is old and I spent the next 3 or 4 minutes thinking that I am getting old. (The joy of ADD is that after 5 or so minutes a good song comes on and you are singing, beating the steering wheel, and looking like a fool going down the interstate. It does have its upside!)

The point of the story is that for a few minutes I panicked about getting close to 30, so maybe 30 will be a big deal. I am not sure anymore about anything.

I do know that I am happy to be turning 28 and healthy. I am blessed beyond measure. I am excited about the future and can't wait to see what it may hold for me. I am thrilled to be doing God's work and following his direction in my life.

I am thankful for Godly friends who will stand by me, and encourage me to continue in "The Good Fight". Hopefully, I will be the same encouragement to them.

1 Corinthians 10:31-33
³¹Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.³²Give none offence, neither to the Jews, nor to the Gentiles, nor to the church of God:³³Even as I please all men in all things, not seeking mine own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved.

Where did all these kids come from?

Here are the pictures of the little ones in the family...

Chloe

Samuel - the meanest cowboy in North Georgia

Kaleb

Landon - my little man

This is the bunch that we will be adding another little girl to in September.

Tanya is knocked up!

Yep, I am going to be an uncle! Craig and Tanya are having a baby girl in September. The family is excited about a little one being around the house. Yes, my baby brother is married and having a baby before I even get close to that point. It's a little disheartening, but I will keep this post about Craig and Tanya and the baby.

On Christmas Day, after all of the family gatherings and everyone was back at their own home, Craig called me. This was the conversation:
Craig: "Hey Uncle Josh!"
Me, after a moment of contemplating what was just said: "For real? That's cool. Congratulations. Tell Tanya I said congratulations too."
Tanya, yelling from the background: "That's all you got?"
Me: "Yep."

Craig and Tanya were just married last October ,so they are following Mom and Dad and having a youngin' a mere eleven months after their nuptials. When they told me on Christmas Day, I was in shock (not sure why, but I was) that they were trying to get pregnant so soon. I am not sure what my initial reaction was but I know that Tanya was a little disappointed. I am not sure if she expected me to jump up and down, clapping my hands, or to scream, but she should know me better than that by now.

I am excited for them and for the family. Mom and Dad have been waiting on me to find someone and settle down for a while now. Everyone tells me to not worry and that being single at 27/28 isn't a big deal, but I think it is a southern thing. You go to school, graduate high school, get married, have babies or you throw college in there between high school and marriage. It didn't happen that way with me, because of my apprehension with the transplant and not feeling God's direction in the relationships.

Anyways, back to Craig and Tanya and the baby. They are still trying to decide on a name, but they are down to two names Keeley Renee or Hayden Renee. Renee is Mom's middle name, so she is especially excited about the baby being named after her.

I have no doubt that Mom is more excited about the baby than anyone. She is tickled pink that it is a girl. Mom grew up the middle child between two brothers, then she married Dad, the ultimate man's man, and had 2 boys. She has been surrounded by testosterone and is happy to be adding a little more estrogen to the family.

I am excited as well. I have a few small cousins who I love to death, but this baby girl already has me wrapped around her finger. My two prayers for her at this point are that she is healthy and that she knows Christ more passionately and deeper than I ever will. I pray that she is taken care of and watched over and that one day she will give her heart to Christ and be another light and sword in the army of the Lord.

I'll post some more pictures of the rest of the family as soon as I find the transfer cord to my camera. I have a million cords here, but can't find the 1 that I need.

Life is funny!

I think that when you forget that you have a blog, you have crossed the line to being a NERD! I have my original blog and I have never forgotten about it, but I had forgotten that I had started this blog. I have been blogging for so long that I have come, gone, come, gone, and come again. It is even worse when you have the blogs listed on your facebook page and still forget about them. My only out is that I never look at my own profile or change it for that matter (at least until someone calls me out on never having changed my pic or info). Anyways, I know I am a nerd, always have been, always will. I like not being an idiot!

Moving on to the meat of this post.

Life is funny how things that are such a big deal at one time lose their drama and magnitude if you can just let time put distance between you and whatever it is. I read over the few posts I have on this blog today and couldn't help but laugh. I was so depressed and down in those posts. Contrasting them with my life now is like comparing night and day.

I started this blog with a few things in mind. I had my heart broken in two last summer by THE girl. You know, the one that you THINK is THE ONE! We went from serious to nothing overnight.....seriously! Over one night, she decided that a life with me wasn't what she wanted and I had to learn to deal with it. It blindsided me, though I doubt the revelation was an overnight thing for her. Anyways, enough about that, needless to say, we have both moved on and are happy with the current situation (I am anyway and I assume she is as well.)

Before that happened, I had been thinking about starting a new blog, and keeping my other blog focused on organ donation and trying to get the word out about how it changed my life. I also decided to do it because I knew she read that blog and I didn't want her to see me writing with heartbreak. (She heard it enough!) I guess that once I got past the initial heartbreak, this blog lost its purpose as a therapeutic outlet and I forgot about it.

I also wanted to distance myself from thinking that people saw me as someone waiting for a transplant. I will always be a transplant patient, but my other blog dealt so much with me being sick that I didn't want people to read my thoughts and think that I was still in that same frame of mind. I am as healthy today as I have ever been and I want that reflected in my writing.

I now look at myself as someone who has fought a battle for my life and won. I continue to fight small battles everyday with my health, but I am not facing the same outcome as long as I take care of myself. I am now learning that one of my major fears is people forever looking at me as the "sick boy".

I am still in the process of finding the person that God has hand-picked for me. I have made a mess of relationships in the past because I was seeking what I wanted, instead of seeking God and letting Him deliver to me the girl who loves Jesus as much as I do. I am not one of the type of people who think that when SHE shows up in my life, it will be flawless and a heavenly choir will sing. I realize that I am [though only occasionally ;)] capable of making mistakes, and I realize that whoever God sends me will be a less-than-perfect human as well. I know that a relationship requires work. I think that two people working toward and with God will be much easier, than one working toward Him and the other pulling away or two people both pulling away from God.

I also want someone who is comfortable with me. Who knows, understands, and is okay with me having had a transplant. I say that I want someone who is okay with it, but I have never had someone turn away because of that. They have ran away for sure, but never because of the transplant. It is usually because I let it slip that I am crazy too soon!

Whew!! This post has gotten long. I was on a roll, so I figured I would just keep going. To sum all of this up. Life is funny how things that seem so big of a deal in the moment are really not that life altering in hindsight. My life is better and I feel like I am now as happy as I have ever been. I am closer to the Lord and putting more trust in Him than I ever have before. I say all of this to say, the negative tone of the blog was a momentary thing. Each day is an undeserved blessing, and I am going to live in that blessing and rejoice.

Oh, and if you followed me over here from my other blog you have heard this before. I am going to try to post here more often.

Lata!

I am Loved

For the past couple of months I have been dealing with a major life change. I thought that I had everything figured out and was ready to move forward with my life when it was all turned on its head. Only very recently have I come to grips with my current situation. I had my life all planned out and it fit neatly inside the frame that I had constructed. Then the frame fell apart and I am just now finishing sweeping up the pieces.

I have spent the past couple of months going back and forth between thinking that this change is for the best and wondering why God sees fit to continue putting me through heartbreaking situations. I am learning that most of the time when I get my heartbroken, it is not from God. The heartbreak is from my unwillingness to listen to God and follow His lead.

I have tried to come up with excuses and reasons for the heartbreak, but all of my efforts have been futile. Just last week, something small, and seemingly insignificant, gave me what I needed to begin healing once again. I find it funny how God works through small, familiar things to answer prayers.

On my blog about my transplant, when I felt like my life was going great I posted an entry from an email that I received called "I Have Learned..." by Andy Rooney. I was reading these again the other day and one jumped out at me.

It said, "I have learned... that love, not time, heals all wounds."

I realized when I read that again that I have been thinking if I can make it one more day, one more week, or one more month, I will be okay. After reading that I realized that to heal this wound I just have to love the one who caused it for who they are and where they stand. Sometimes in life, things don't work out the way that we want them to, especially when it comes to love and relationships. I can keep fighting them for not seeing things my way or I can choose to stop fighting and love them for the memories we shared and the happiness I felt while we were together. I have decided to go with the latter choice and love those who come into my life and those who choose to leave it for who they are.

Another of those little sayings is, "I have learned... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them." I am a firm believer in this statement. At the beginning of a relationship we can find fault with anyone and a million reasons why we shouldn't be with them, but once you fall in love with that person all of those faults seem to melt away. You become ignorant and oblivious to those faults and issues that before seemed to be deal breakers. When we are in love, we forget about the fights and the hard times, because the good times make us so happy.

It is difficult being on the receiving end of heartbreak, but I am slowly learning that God wants us to love those people just like he loves us. I often break God's heart when I disobey Him and get out of His will. Even still, He loves me just the same and loves me for who I am and where I stand in each moment. He isn't always happy with me, but that doesn't diminish the love that he shows to me. He expects me to do the same for those people in my life. I may not be happy with their decisions, but I have to love them for who they are and where they are in their life. I am trying to do the same with those who have broken my heart.

Movies

I have probably watched more movies this summer than I have in the past 3 years combined. My friend, Ghobad, has been home for the summer and he has seen just about every movie that Hollywood has produced. Me on the other hand, I am way too restless to sit down and watch movies very often.

There are a few movies that I have been known to watch over and over, those being Gladiator, Joe Dirt, and Transformers. I am sure that there have been more movies in the past that I watched over and over, but those are the ones that I know have been watched over 20 times each. When I am watching a movie, I can always think of a million things I should be doing instead of sitting and watching a movie. I still do not like to think that I have spent so much time this summer staring at my television or a movie screen.

With that said, I have seen a lot of great movies this summer. I have seen Iron Man, Wanted, Hancock, The Dark Knight, and Stepbrothers to name a few. Ghobad will be leaving for Nebraska here in the next week or so and I will be losing my movie partner.

Ghobad and I have become much better friends over this summer, mainly due to an early summer change of plans for me. If nothing else, it has shown me that there are people out there who want to be friends with me and I have been crazy to not let those people be my friend. I had intended to spend my summer differently, but I have to say that with Ghobad and other friends at my side, this has been a great summer for me. I have met people I otherwise would have never given myself the opportunity to meet and done things I normally wouldn't do. Thanks to everyone who had a part in my great summer.

1 down, 179 to go! ...... haha

I survived my first day of school! Is it still okay to say that as you begin your fifth year? FIFTH YEAR.....what!! I am getting old!

I have co-taught for the past two years in a special education classroom. This year they are trusting me to run an entire classroom by myself. It is going to be different because I do not have my buddy to bounce things off of and joke around with in the classroom. I was reminded yesterday just how lonely the teaching profession can be when you are holed up in a classroom by yourself all day.


I am tired today though. I have to get used to getting up early again! 5:30 came early yesterday morning and by the end of the school day I was ready to go home and take a long nap. Instead, I went to workout then to the final softball game of the season. I got home around 10:30 and passed out pretty much as soon as my head hit the pillow.

5:30 came even earlier this morning.......I am paying for yesterday today. Today, my only extracurricular activity is a workout. Then I get to go home and rest for the night.

My weekend was crazy as well, though I can barely remember what I did, which is sad. There was alcohol involved, but none of it was consumed by me. For that reason I should be well aware of everything that happened.

Friday night, graduation......Saturday night, UFC 87.......Sunday night, Pineapple Express. Seriously that is about all that I remember of this past weekend. Sad huh? Well there are little bits that I remember about each, but each of those deserve their own blog post. I need something to write about for the next few days anyways.

So the school year has begun and I am happy to be back at work, even though it means I don't get to sleep past 6:00AM.