I am Loved

For the past couple of months I have been dealing with a major life change. I thought that I had everything figured out and was ready to move forward with my life when it was all turned on its head. Only very recently have I come to grips with my current situation. I had my life all planned out and it fit neatly inside the frame that I had constructed. Then the frame fell apart and I am just now finishing sweeping up the pieces.

I have spent the past couple of months going back and forth between thinking that this change is for the best and wondering why God sees fit to continue putting me through heartbreaking situations. I am learning that most of the time when I get my heartbroken, it is not from God. The heartbreak is from my unwillingness to listen to God and follow His lead.

I have tried to come up with excuses and reasons for the heartbreak, but all of my efforts have been futile. Just last week, something small, and seemingly insignificant, gave me what I needed to begin healing once again. I find it funny how God works through small, familiar things to answer prayers.

On my blog about my transplant, when I felt like my life was going great I posted an entry from an email that I received called "I Have Learned..." by Andy Rooney. I was reading these again the other day and one jumped out at me.

It said, "I have learned... that love, not time, heals all wounds."

I realized when I read that again that I have been thinking if I can make it one more day, one more week, or one more month, I will be okay. After reading that I realized that to heal this wound I just have to love the one who caused it for who they are and where they stand. Sometimes in life, things don't work out the way that we want them to, especially when it comes to love and relationships. I can keep fighting them for not seeing things my way or I can choose to stop fighting and love them for the memories we shared and the happiness I felt while we were together. I have decided to go with the latter choice and love those who come into my life and those who choose to leave it for who they are.

Another of those little sayings is, "I have learned... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them." I am a firm believer in this statement. At the beginning of a relationship we can find fault with anyone and a million reasons why we shouldn't be with them, but once you fall in love with that person all of those faults seem to melt away. You become ignorant and oblivious to those faults and issues that before seemed to be deal breakers. When we are in love, we forget about the fights and the hard times, because the good times make us so happy.

It is difficult being on the receiving end of heartbreak, but I am slowly learning that God wants us to love those people just like he loves us. I often break God's heart when I disobey Him and get out of His will. Even still, He loves me just the same and loves me for who I am and where I stand in each moment. He isn't always happy with me, but that doesn't diminish the love that he shows to me. He expects me to do the same for those people in my life. I may not be happy with their decisions, but I have to love them for who they are and where they are in their life. I am trying to do the same with those who have broken my heart.