I am Loved

For the past couple of months I have been dealing with a major life change. I thought that I had everything figured out and was ready to move forward with my life when it was all turned on its head. Only very recently have I come to grips with my current situation. I had my life all planned out and it fit neatly inside the frame that I had constructed. Then the frame fell apart and I am just now finishing sweeping up the pieces.

I have spent the past couple of months going back and forth between thinking that this change is for the best and wondering why God sees fit to continue putting me through heartbreaking situations. I am learning that most of the time when I get my heartbroken, it is not from God. The heartbreak is from my unwillingness to listen to God and follow His lead.

I have tried to come up with excuses and reasons for the heartbreak, but all of my efforts have been futile. Just last week, something small, and seemingly insignificant, gave me what I needed to begin healing once again. I find it funny how God works through small, familiar things to answer prayers.

On my blog about my transplant, when I felt like my life was going great I posted an entry from an email that I received called "I Have Learned..." by Andy Rooney. I was reading these again the other day and one jumped out at me.

It said, "I have learned... that love, not time, heals all wounds."

I realized when I read that again that I have been thinking if I can make it one more day, one more week, or one more month, I will be okay. After reading that I realized that to heal this wound I just have to love the one who caused it for who they are and where they stand. Sometimes in life, things don't work out the way that we want them to, especially when it comes to love and relationships. I can keep fighting them for not seeing things my way or I can choose to stop fighting and love them for the memories we shared and the happiness I felt while we were together. I have decided to go with the latter choice and love those who come into my life and those who choose to leave it for who they are.

Another of those little sayings is, "I have learned... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them." I am a firm believer in this statement. At the beginning of a relationship we can find fault with anyone and a million reasons why we shouldn't be with them, but once you fall in love with that person all of those faults seem to melt away. You become ignorant and oblivious to those faults and issues that before seemed to be deal breakers. When we are in love, we forget about the fights and the hard times, because the good times make us so happy.

It is difficult being on the receiving end of heartbreak, but I am slowly learning that God wants us to love those people just like he loves us. I often break God's heart when I disobey Him and get out of His will. Even still, He loves me just the same and loves me for who I am and where I stand in each moment. He isn't always happy with me, but that doesn't diminish the love that he shows to me. He expects me to do the same for those people in my life. I may not be happy with their decisions, but I have to love them for who they are and where they are in their life. I am trying to do the same with those who have broken my heart.

Movies

I have probably watched more movies this summer than I have in the past 3 years combined. My friend, Ghobad, has been home for the summer and he has seen just about every movie that Hollywood has produced. Me on the other hand, I am way too restless to sit down and watch movies very often.

There are a few movies that I have been known to watch over and over, those being Gladiator, Joe Dirt, and Transformers. I am sure that there have been more movies in the past that I watched over and over, but those are the ones that I know have been watched over 20 times each. When I am watching a movie, I can always think of a million things I should be doing instead of sitting and watching a movie. I still do not like to think that I have spent so much time this summer staring at my television or a movie screen.

With that said, I have seen a lot of great movies this summer. I have seen Iron Man, Wanted, Hancock, The Dark Knight, and Stepbrothers to name a few. Ghobad will be leaving for Nebraska here in the next week or so and I will be losing my movie partner.

Ghobad and I have become much better friends over this summer, mainly due to an early summer change of plans for me. If nothing else, it has shown me that there are people out there who want to be friends with me and I have been crazy to not let those people be my friend. I had intended to spend my summer differently, but I have to say that with Ghobad and other friends at my side, this has been a great summer for me. I have met people I otherwise would have never given myself the opportunity to meet and done things I normally wouldn't do. Thanks to everyone who had a part in my great summer.

1 down, 179 to go! ...... haha

I survived my first day of school! Is it still okay to say that as you begin your fifth year? FIFTH YEAR.....what!! I am getting old!

I have co-taught for the past two years in a special education classroom. This year they are trusting me to run an entire classroom by myself. It is going to be different because I do not have my buddy to bounce things off of and joke around with in the classroom. I was reminded yesterday just how lonely the teaching profession can be when you are holed up in a classroom by yourself all day.


I am tired today though. I have to get used to getting up early again! 5:30 came early yesterday morning and by the end of the school day I was ready to go home and take a long nap. Instead, I went to workout then to the final softball game of the season. I got home around 10:30 and passed out pretty much as soon as my head hit the pillow.

5:30 came even earlier this morning.......I am paying for yesterday today. Today, my only extracurricular activity is a workout. Then I get to go home and rest for the night.

My weekend was crazy as well, though I can barely remember what I did, which is sad. There was alcohol involved, but none of it was consumed by me. For that reason I should be well aware of everything that happened.

Friday night, graduation......Saturday night, UFC 87.......Sunday night, Pineapple Express. Seriously that is about all that I remember of this past weekend. Sad huh? Well there are little bits that I remember about each, but each of those deserve their own blog post. I need something to write about for the next few days anyways.

So the school year has begun and I am happy to be back at work, even though it means I don't get to sleep past 6:00AM.

It has begun...

I am back at work for day number 2. To be completely honest, aside from the busy work and trying to get my unorganized self presentable to parents who are entrusting their children to me, I am enjoying being back at work. I love the people that I work with and don't realize how much I have missed them until I see them again.

Open house is tomorrow night and I am far from ready! My classroom has the desks out, but there is still a ton that needs to be completed before parents are ready to enter my door. I have no doubt that it will get ready though. I work best under last minute pressure! ;-)

In other news, I found out today that I made an A in both of my final graduate classes! That means that I will be able to walk in graduation on Friday night. More importantly, I will be getting the raise that comes with completing a master's degree. That should make things much more comfortable for me financially.

The kids come back Monday, so say a small prayer for me that I will be the teacher and role model these kids deserve. Sometimes I wonder if I am being what I should be for the kids. I love my job, even though I take a lot of heat for having summers off. There is enough pressure placed on a teacher the other 10 months of the year that those 2 months are a welcome break. There is a reason that 50% of teachers leave the profession within the first five years. I am starting my 5th year, so if I come back for a sixth I have beaten the odds.

One more day....

This blog that is focused more on my life is harder than I expected it to be. I am really not that exciting of a person and I feel like I should be posting more. I am not a big fan of rambling on either of my blogs though I do it from time to time. Today is one of those days here, hopefully once school starts back I will have plenty of blogging material.

Tomorrow is my last day to lay around the house being lazy and worthless. On Tuesday, I have to go back to work! The kids don't start coming until the next Monday, but this is the beginning of having to roll out of bed at a decent hour and start my day.

Seriously, I am looking forward to starting teaching again. It will leave me a lot less time to sit here and think about a million different things that constantly run through my head. I will not have time to drive some people crazy, because I am so bored.

I received my class roll the other day and it looks like I am going to have a good group of kids. I am going to have 15 boys and 8 girls in my class this year. That is a huge load of boys, but I am excited about being a role model for them.

Slacking already?

I just started this blog and I am already slacking at posting!

I guess my excuse is that I feel a little guilty posting on here when I have schoolwork I should be doing. So to combat the guilt, I just don't do either. :)

I am going this evening to a farewell reception for my principal. He has been given a job by the Department of Defense at a school in Japan. I am happy that he has been given this opportunity. He has a daughter who is a teacher at the same school in Japan who just gave him a grandchild. He will be able to spend more time with them, as well as enjoy learning about a new culture.

The change in administration will not be that extreme since they hired from within the school. My old assistant principal is now the principal and my old co-teacher is now the assistant principal. I am certain there will be some changes ahead but I think that the school will continue to run smoothly.

Tonights reception brings the reality that school is starting back very soon! I have to go back next Tuesday for the first day of pre-planning. I say that I am ready to start back, but like always, three weeks into the school year I will be wishing it was summer again.

Eyes Forward

This is my first post on my new blog. I have been posting for the past couple of years on a blog about my liver transplant called Constantly Adjusting. I will still be posting on that blog from time to time but I want to keep that blog more focused on organ donation awareness and transplant news. This blog is where I intend to chronicle my day to day life for the world, my friends, and myself.

I have realized over the past couple weeks that it is time I turn the page and begin a new chapter of my life. The past chapters have set the stage for the rest of the story. I will never forget my transplant and the road that has made me the man that I am today. By no means do I wish or expect for my road to be easier, but frankly I am tired of living while looking behind me. For too long, I have let my circumstances beyond my control and my past define who I am. This blog is symbolic in saying that today is the day that I am setting my eyes forward to the great things to come in my life.

God has a plan for me and it is time I take hold of that plan and start walking forward. Today is the first step of that journey! My eyes are forward!